Friday, September 25, 2009

just jonesin

there are people that need a ship. hurt, hungry, tired, full of anger, lust, pride, fear, sorrow...whatever. they need a ship to cross waters and get help in these endeavors. so you decide to build. you do this selflessly, for reasons that are pure and kind, unbiased, and without any hidden agenda. the problem is, you don't have any idea how to properly build a boat. the people see you building, they revel in ecstasy, they thank God for putting you there to help. their hopes are becoming reality. the day comes, the boat's complete, ostensibly it even looks seaworthy, almost even storm-tested. the people climb aboard, taking with, their pride, humbleness, anger, selflessness, uncertainty, and all the other belongings which are theirs. when they get out to sea though, out to the deepest depths, your workmanship, or lack there-of, shows. one leek, two, three, flowing water, wet ankles, knees, hips, and no life rafts. the water is cold, the expanse is far. what happens to you? your intentions were good. you did it for all the right reasons. but honestly, do these reasons mean...anything? you just killed women, children, men, and the heritage they may have one day left. your reasons are dull, flat, minuscule in comparison to the deadly ignorance your arrogance and "goodwill" let build that ship. because, the fact is, you had no business building. you are a fake. even though no one else stepped up to build, even though no one forced the people on that ship, your blame fails to lessen, fails to be clouded over by the title of this "volunteer humanitarian." you cost people hope. you cost people lives.

there are people who need a boat here. i don't know how to build one. yet, sometimes i feel like im trying. someone once wrote, "He who strives to be of use in this world soon burdens the people with his own insufficiency." i haven't figured these things out.

i read somewhere that, "if you leave out all the details, everyone's life is interesting." despite the validity, or lack there-of, of this statement, i think that subconsciously, or maybe even consciously, i've been trying to leave out some of the details in hopes of keeping this an interesting read, but i don't know if that's the most effective technique for displaying reality. im sitting in the township writing this. the township is a single stretch of dirt road, about a kilometer long, with single story buildings lined up on either side. the buildings are made of mudbrick, some concrete, and covered by rusted tin-rooves. though there are many shops, they tend to sell similar items. i don't know why the shops decide to open, and then sell the exact thing their neighbors are selling, but maybe it has something to do with why a Meijer opens, then a Walmart, then a Target in the same vicinity. or maybe it has nothing to do with this at all. the shops sell soap for laundry, eggs, 20 liter jerrycans, mugs, plates, pots, flour, and sometimes bread. at the end of the strip of buidings (or the beginning depending on how you look at it) is an open area where ladies sell fruits, vegetables, and a donut-type bread. on saturdays the town is alive with people and vendors from nearby towns. this is when i walk the 3km, or sometimes ride on the back rack of a bicycle, to town. Four, small sized tomatoes: 10 cents; head of cabbage: 25 cents; green pepper: 10 cents; 1 kilo of rice: 1 dollar and 50 cents; having thirty kids yell "munu" at you when you're trying to buy vegetables, so much so that you want to either elbow-drop them or choke them out: priceless.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

wind in the willows

school started again this week. the students arrived, ready for 3 months of school, with a mattress, a small bag of school uniforms, and a 4 x 2 x 2 metal container filled with books, pens, sesame seeds which will be grounded into paste, and "girl stuff." some of the girls show up with hair that's too long (against school policy). all of the girls must have shortly shaven heads. some teachers think the girls do this on purpose because when we send them back to town, 3 km's away, to get their hair cut, some girls take longer than expected. the teachers suspect this is because the girls are fraternizing with boys in township.

i wash my clothes by hand. even when i had a washing machine at my disposal i barely did laundry (thanks mom). now, without this modern convenience, my avoidance has only intensified. i find it quite easy to convince myself that, those pair of pants ive been wearing for days can't possibly be dirty. after all, if i can't see the dirt, it means there's obviously not enough dirt to cause problems. when the laundry basket does finally begin to withhold a small mountain on the verge of collapse, i get my 3 basins out, which double as my sink to wash dishes in, fill them up with water, then put in some powdered detergent that you can buy at the local duka (little shop set up by the roadside). to supplement the detergent i use a bar of soap which i scrub the clothes with, work into a lather, and transfer to the next basin (two for washing, one for rinsing). the first couple times i did laundry my neighbor would pass by, "Hunter," she would say, "There's no suds in that water you're washing with." everyone's a critic.

things have been a little crazy with the Peace Corps lately. We've had some changes in administrative positions, and some of these changes came clouded in ill-feelings, mystery, and politics. i don't think i know enough to feel one way or the other, but i think this is my first real experience with politics in the work place and knowing that people jobs can be threatened by rumor or a failure to adhere to certain desires of one's superiors.

sometimes, i do whats called, "culinary experimentation." this is when i go the kitchen, check out what's going on in there, and try to invent new dishes with combinations of foods that i've never tried before. honey spaghetti - not a winner. cocoa oats - not a winner.